Call me 'Bloss'

My dad calls me Bloss.

It's short for Blossom. It was my brother who turned a perfectly good name like Blossom into a life-long burden. Blossy Bogan. It wasn't my idea to wear his hand-me-downs as a kid. It was NOT my idea for those used clothing items to include chocolate brown cordouroy jeans, desert boots and flannelette shirts from Best & Less.

Still, wear the daggy hand-me-downs I did. I climbed in them, rode my bike in them and changed back into them after swimming in the river. When I think back now about the origins of my Bogan roots, I pinpoint the blame firmly on my stingy parents. Obviously.

I didn't even know what a Bogan was. We didn't have 'the Google' back then. In fact, in my town, we didn't even get a KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken as it was called) until I was about fifteen. My Oxford dictionary only had posh words in it. The omission of 'bogan' should have been my first clue.

A 'bogan', according to the very useful and obviously factual www.bogan.com.au is a term primarily used in Australia to describe a particular section of the working class demographic. I don't think you choose to be a Bogan. I reckon you just are one. Over the years I fought at times to shake off my bogan-ism. Yeah, I experimented with the outside world... with buying shoes that cost over a hundred bucks, with learning foreign languages (like, other than proper English I mean) and drinking wine with funny names.

But eventually, I just thought 'bugger it.'
As a friend of mine said, "Ya know Blossy, ya can't polish a turd...ya can only roll it in glitter. No matter whatcha do babe, ya always gunna be a bogan".
Well, thank Christ I didn't bother getting therapy then.

And so beginneth (see... posh word...) the Adventures of Blossy Bogan. To embrace Bogan-ism. It's just my life. but as Bon Jovi said, "It's now or never, you ain't gunna live forever". Best I at least put thirty-odd years of experience into doing good. Not all Bogans have mullets, drink VB and live in govvie housing. Some of us know a fair amount of posh words and own a passport.

I am thoroughly qualified for this 'educating the world' business you know. You see, I'm currently a Valley Bogan, living in a suburb on the outskirts of one of Australia's few cities or, as I call it, 'Bogan-ville-ea', with its HippoDome and obsession with hot chips. But, of course, growing up in the country, I earned a diploma as a Bush Bogan. Totally different set of skills required. And I've done quite a lot of study on Westies and other sub-types of Bogans. My current goal is to become a Beach Bogan. In fact... that's how i might get my PhD I reckon.

I'll fill you in as we go on some of the people and places you'll need to know about. Like Brad the Tradie, Smurfette of the Outlets, the BHG (Better Homes & Gardens Girl), The Grey Nomads, Organica, The Tradie Bunch and various other characters (Floydie of the Cosmos, Maz, Kaz, Raelene, Geraldine, etc...) that live in the world of Bogan-ville-ea.

Ahhh... that was heaps of work ay?

Time for a bevvie.